spare yourself a friend-ship wreck

As we begin our countdown to the end of another month and in fact another year, some persons perhaps are already thinking of some of the new year resolutions they’ll make as they appraise how this year have gone thus far.
One area often overlooked at seasons like this is the area of the relationships and associations we keep. Especially the people we call friends. Certain persons that are your friends this year don’t really deserve to be your friends next year.
A wise man once remarked that where a man would be 5years from now is a function of the books he reads and the friends he walks with. Another one boldly asked that show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are. Not only who you are now but also what you’ll probably become. Our friendships indeed shape our lives.
If we take words like this serious, we’ll attach as much importance to making resolutions about our friends as we do about ourselves. After all we can’t move faster than the ship we are traveling in….especially when the ship is called friendSHIP!
However, I found that the concept of friendship is often times misunderstood and wrongly approached by most people. And because of this, it is often times abused. This has also resulted into scars of hurt and pain in the heart of several people in which case many find it very difficult to recover from. The bible says that faithful are the wounds of a friend, but from experience we also know that such wounds are quite painful as well. So it is advisable that we save ourselves such heartaches and approach friendship with true understanding. Experience might be a good teacher but its tuition are often too expensive to afford.
One of the most amazing poems I know I believe can be of great help here. It reads:
‘I went into the market to look for friends
I found none
Then I went into the market to be a friend
And there were friends everywhere’.
In this simple poem is summarized basically what friendship is really about and what approach we should have towards it.
Key qualities we tend to look for in friendship includes Availability, communication, attraction and agreeable ness. once we find this combo of qualities in a person, we tend to develop some kind of likeness for such a one. But like this poem rightly says, friendship shouldn’t be about finding and getting, but rather about being and giving. For instance, often times parents want their children to be pals with kids brighter than they are so that the good influence of the smart kid would rub off on their children. But that makes me wonder what we expect should happen to the rest of the kids in class; who then would be their friend and what hope do they have of a better life? And imagine if the smarter kid also has this same principle, then your lesser smart kid doesn’t even have a chance.
Of course I’m not saying parents are wrong for wanting their kids to benefit from associating with bright minds, but what I am saying really is that we shouldn’t look for friendships where we are just like parasites leaving our friends with no benefits at all while sucking everything we need from them. All that I look for in friends, I do my best to be to my friends. After all, that’s what the golden principle of love is all about. Treating others with the kind of treat we love them to give us. Approaching friendship like this will also save you lots of pain because you eventually don’t feel like anybody owes anything and when they eventually don’t turn up, you are simply not affected or at least less hurt.
Thats why I don’t really buy into the idea of best friend and BFFs. The word best is an ideal word. Its perfect. When we label certain people as this, we begin to feel like they owe us something. And when they don’t deliver, we feel the pain really bad. And same when the reverse is the case.
The word best eliminates room for improvement. It gives an ownership right and mentality to People making you feel like you own them. So they must call you and text you and when they don’t you get offended. You also get very jealous when they are getting close to others. It gets very worse when they don’t feel the same way about you. I’m just thinking……why all these stress?
A Best friend title kills the idea of friendship being a Privilege and responsibility. A privilege to be grateful for if received and a responsibility towards others. So I have quit looking out for best friends and I’ve keyed into being a best friend to anyone I’m privileged to have as a friend. For me, friendship is indeed about giving and being rather than getting and finding.
I do have some wonderful people I am privileged to call friends, and yes amongst them i have favorites who are closest to me and who have also contributed more to my life. yet, I indeed see it as my responsibility to be the best me to them and count myself really lucky, privileged, humbled and successful if anyone in return calls me a BFF. that in turn doesn’t stop me from doing my best to be a better me.

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