Relationship and Emotional Status: COMPLICATED 1

So many young people when asked about their relationship status will tell you it’s complicated. some say it just or fun, others mean it. i’ve been in complicated modes at several times in my life. sometimes its because you are not sure if what you have with a person is a relationship, or sometimes you are not sure what type of relationship you have with a person. at other times, its because you are at a cross road of deciding who to commit to between two people you are attracted towards. this could be a really tough position to be in and i’d be saying one or two things about this.

You dont need a rocket science to convince you not to commit to a relationship if you don’t love the person; and its rational and relatively easy to opt for a person you love more than the one you love less. But at times, we honestly cant tell who it is we love more or less and we sometimes cant categorically say whether it is really love we are feeling.Stressed-Out-Woman

So lets answer this question- is it really possible to be in love with two different people?

To start off, we need to be clear on what love means. Love is probably one of the most complicated thing to define. At times, the best people can do is describe it; and many people have varying descriptions for love. One thing however many people will describe their ‘in love’ experience as is is a passionate attraction to someone else. Love is defined by the dictionary as a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone.

From this definition and description, one thing is clear, and that is- love is at its basic form- a feeling.

Like every other feeling, it is stimulated by some sort of stimuli, which in the case of love could be appearance, intelligence, wealth, or some other thing that a person finds valuable and attractive. This stimuli/feature is what attracts us to people. Love doesn’t just happen; something makes it happen. Whether you can identify what attracted you to a person or not is subject for another day. But like every other feeling, i believe love is a cause and effect phenomenon and most people will agree with me on that.

The bone of contention however is if one could have this special feeling for more than one person.

In response to that, someone queried once that if it is possible to have the feelings of empathy, sympathy, anger, and any other emotionally feeling people have that you can think of, for more than one person, why should love which is also a feeling be any different? If you can love your parents and also your siblings truly, why cant you also be ‘in love’ truly with multiple people ?

I believe that nobody is a monopolist of all the qualities we desire in a partner. Even if one person has all the qualities you have on your list (imaginary or written), he is definitely not the only one in the world that does so. So it is often possible that we meet several people over the course of our lifetime that possess these qualities and we will be as such drawn towards them.

This dilemma as i have found is often more prominent when we are single and searching. Its a bit different for people who have committed themselves into a relationship with someone they’ve identified that they love.  such people also do find people that they are drawn towards but usually have the luxury of being able to ignore those feelings as they distract themselves with their present romantic commitments. Since such people are no longer looking for a partner they perhaps see potential spouses a little differently, and so they label what they’d have called love as something else because they know they don’t want to jeopardize their existing love affair by contaminating it with feelings they aren’t even sure is mutual. Some are even too busy with the feelings they share with their present spouse or partner to notice another which might be building up while some just like being bad and so they ‘have an affair because life is short’. sometimes those affairs survive and replace existing relationships, sometimes they dont. but no matter how shallow the feeling that led to the affair might have been, they cant deny that the feeling was real and present at some point.

So from the ongoing, i dont think it is grossly impossible to have feelings for more than one person. i think that the idea of it being impossible to be in love with different people simultaenously  stems from our society’s decision to associate exclusivity with love, hence the concept of true love and fake love. We say true love isn’t just any feeling, its a special one; and so it is only possible to share it with one person. We see it as magic that happens once in a blue moon and as such cant be trivalised with other feelings such as fear, anger, or even happiness. i do not dispute the fact that untrue love exists. But the existence of feelings for a person no matter how deep doesnt always mean that the feelings for another person is fake no matter how shallow it is. feelings are feelings; they are really neither fake or real. they are just feelings.

The truth is, love is special only when you make it so. Love is exclusive only when you make it so.

Perhaps you cant love two people at the same level or with the same intensity, but i think you can love them both all the same. And that love no matter how little it is, it is real and it is true. as a matter of fact, in my case i found that there were times it looked like i loved woman A more, and at other times, i loved woman B more. i am certain i was attracted to both but at different times was more conscious of one than the other. Feelings are just so unstable, like fuel price. lol

An anonymous quote says that there is nothing worse that meeting the perfect person at the wrong time. Many people have had to deal with such hard feelings; some succesfully and others badly. I guess thats what led to some other person concluding that some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together.

So as far as love being a feeling, i do agree as i have experienced, that you can have such feeling of attraction and affection towards more than one person at different or same period of time. You could love them differently and for different things, you could love them at different degrees or extent; but what is true is that you love them all the same.

Add this to note, that two almost negating feelings can exist within you…like having two brutal dogs in the same cage. The one that wins and survives over time is the one you feed the most.


Good. Now here is the twist to this topic. read on here.Woman Staring Out Window --- Image by © Rick Gomez/Corbis

PS: lets have a discussion aboput this. write comments and share your experiences in the comment box below. you can also follow this blog to make sure you dont miss any of my posts. You can also like and share with people in your network.

Soaga Afolabi

IWrite, ISpeak, IINspire!!!

Image source: google


3 thoughts on “Relationship and Emotional Status: COMPLICATED 1

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