Things you should know about People

Understanding people is key to life success. Money doesn’t make the world go round, people do. The world is no good with all the money in it if their are no people to use that money. So, i think the most important aspect of your life isn’t just your money but the people in your life.

So below are some of the things you should know about people:

People like to be treated with honor, value, and respect.  Even in cases where they don’t deserve it, people will still expect respect from you. You must understand that this is a fundamental human need for people.

Everyone has a price. This doesn’t necessarily mean you can buy them with money. Rather it implies that people can be reached, influenced, and won over. Whether its by affirmation, acts of service, gifts, or whatever else appeals to their interests and needs, everyone has stuffs they value and respond to.

People are ultimately insatiable. They are always looking for greener pastures. There is no way you can hold back a man who is convinced that there is better for him elsewhere. Sadly though, most people are too lazy to pay the necessary price for their advancement; nonetheless, the desire to improve our lives is an unquenchable thirst in each and everyone of us.

Everyone has the seed of good in them. You should never write a man off. As long as he has life, no matter how terrible his past or present is, he can construct an edifice of a future. Men are ‘illimitable’! limits only exist in our minds and when those minds are liberated by truth, nothing cant restrict the success and progress a man can make.

Human destinies are somehow connected. Those you treat badly today might be in positions to repay you in the same manner tomorrow. Even if they are not, your wrong seeds will catch up with you and someone else somehow will pay you back on their behalf (some call this karma). So it pays to treat people well.

Here is a conclusion you should hold dear- Dealing with people is like playing a video game. when you know rules and how to play it, it becomes fun and easy to do. Before then, it would just be a frustrating activity of nothingness.

Cheers!

Afolabi Soaga

Dealing with people is like playing a video game. when you know rules and how to play it, it becomes fun and easy to do.

 

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Relationship and Emotional Status: COMPLICATED 1

So many young people when asked about their relationship status will tell you it’s complicated. some say it just or fun, others mean it. i’ve been in complicated modes at several times in my life. sometimes its because you are not sure if what you have with a person is a relationship, or sometimes you are not sure what type of relationship you have with a person. at other times, its because you are at a cross road of deciding who to commit to between two people you are attracted towards. this could be a really tough position to be in and i’d be saying one or two things about this.

You dont need a rocket science to convince you not to commit to a relationship if you don’t love the person; and its rational and relatively easy to opt for a person you love more than the one you love less. But at times, we honestly cant tell who it is we love more or less and we sometimes cant categorically say whether it is really love we are feeling.Stressed-Out-Woman

So lets answer this question- is it really possible to be in love with two different people?

To start off, we need to be clear on what love means. Love is probably one of the most complicated thing to define. At times, the best people can do is describe it; and many people have varying descriptions for love. One thing however many people will describe their ‘in love’ experience as is is a passionate attraction to someone else. Love is defined by the dictionary as a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone.

From this definition and description, one thing is clear, and that is- love is at its basic form- a feeling.

Like every other feeling, it is stimulated by some sort of stimuli, which in the case of love could be appearance, intelligence, wealth, or some other thing that a person finds valuable and attractive. This stimuli/feature is what attracts us to people. Love doesn’t just happen; something makes it happen. Whether you can identify what attracted you to a person or not is subject for another day. But like every other feeling, i believe love is a cause and effect phenomenon and most people will agree with me on that.

The bone of contention however is if one could have this special feeling for more than one person.

In response to that, someone queried once that if it is possible to have the feelings of empathy, sympathy, anger, and any other emotionally feeling people have that you can think of, for more than one person, why should love which is also a feeling be any different? If you can love your parents and also your siblings truly, why cant you also be ‘in love’ truly with multiple people ?

I believe that nobody is a monopolist of all the qualities we desire in a partner. Even if one person has all the qualities you have on your list (imaginary or written), he is definitely not the only one in the world that does so. So it is often possible that we meet several people over the course of our lifetime that possess these qualities and we will be as such drawn towards them.

This dilemma as i have found is often more prominent when we are single and searching. Its a bit different for people who have committed themselves into a relationship with someone they’ve identified that they love.  such people also do find people that they are drawn towards but usually have the luxury of being able to ignore those feelings as they distract themselves with their present romantic commitments. Since such people are no longer looking for a partner they perhaps see potential spouses a little differently, and so they label what they’d have called love as something else because they know they don’t want to jeopardize their existing love affair by contaminating it with feelings they aren’t even sure is mutual. Some are even too busy with the feelings they share with their present spouse or partner to notice another which might be building up while some just like being bad and so they ‘have an affair because life is short’. sometimes those affairs survive and replace existing relationships, sometimes they dont. but no matter how shallow the feeling that led to the affair might have been, they cant deny that the feeling was real and present at some point.

So from the ongoing, i dont think it is grossly impossible to have feelings for more than one person. i think that the idea of it being impossible to be in love with different people simultaenously  stems from our society’s decision to associate exclusivity with love, hence the concept of true love and fake love. We say true love isn’t just any feeling, its a special one; and so it is only possible to share it with one person. We see it as magic that happens once in a blue moon and as such cant be trivalised with other feelings such as fear, anger, or even happiness. i do not dispute the fact that untrue love exists. But the existence of feelings for a person no matter how deep doesnt always mean that the feelings for another person is fake no matter how shallow it is. feelings are feelings; they are really neither fake or real. they are just feelings.

The truth is, love is special only when you make it so. Love is exclusive only when you make it so.

Perhaps you cant love two people at the same level or with the same intensity, but i think you can love them both all the same. And that love no matter how little it is, it is real and it is true. as a matter of fact, in my case i found that there were times it looked like i loved woman A more, and at other times, i loved woman B more. i am certain i was attracted to both but at different times was more conscious of one than the other. Feelings are just so unstable, like fuel price. lol

An anonymous quote says that there is nothing worse that meeting the perfect person at the wrong time. Many people have had to deal with such hard feelings; some succesfully and others badly. I guess thats what led to some other person concluding that some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together.

So as far as love being a feeling, i do agree as i have experienced, that you can have such feeling of attraction and affection towards more than one person at different or same period of time. You could love them differently and for different things, you could love them at different degrees or extent; but what is true is that you love them all the same.

Add this to note, that two almost negating feelings can exist within you…like having two brutal dogs in the same cage. The one that wins and survives over time is the one you feed the most.

 

Good. Now here is the twist to this topic. read on here.Woman Staring Out Window --- Image by © Rick Gomez/Corbis

PS: lets have a discussion aboput this. write comments and share your experiences in the comment box below. you can also follow this blog to make sure you dont miss any of my posts. You can also like and share with people in your network.

Soaga Afolabi

IWrite, ISpeak, IINspire!!!

Image source: google

 

value: the eliab concept

Imagine yourself lost in the desert for like a week with no food no water and nobody to talk to; Just you and this vast expanse of dry land. And then maybe somewhere along the way you get to a junction that leads to two different destinations. You can only make one option and so choosing one is forgoing the other. In taking option A you are sure to find a million dollars in cash along the way; while in option B you’d find a store where you could get water and food and people to talk with (remember you have been lost for like a week with no food or water). Well, I believe the obvious option most people will go for is the latter. Reason is because, of what use is a million dollars if there is nobody to sell stuffs to you and nothing to buy. Moreover, if you choose the former option and go for the money, what use is money to a dead man (Just in case you don’t know, they don’t spend dollars in heaven). So to a man near death who is lost in the desert, a cup of water to revive his thirsty self is of more value than a million dollars that can’t buy him anything. Of course if he wasn’t near death and if he had hope of one day surviving through the desert without that water, his option would have been totally different. In fact, if we add an additional clause to the previous scenario saying that if he walks just a little further down that million dollar road, he’d find a place where a glass of water sells for $1000 and an helicopter for hire to fly you anywhere in the world for say $100000; even if he was near death, some would probably still go for the money.
This illustration points us to the fact that value is a very relative term. One man’s meat is indeed another’s poison. What is termed valuable to one man, might be perceived worthless to another. Beauty in life is always in the eyes of the beholder; the woman who one man would die for, another might not even wish to be sick for.

I have come to discover that value is seldom a function of the object in question but rather it is more about the subject. In the example used in the first paragraph, the object is the cup of water or million dollars while the subject is the pathetic fellow who was lost in the desert. What that means is that what determined the value of the object wasn’t the object in itself but rather the person who wanted to acquire it. And so what person A might be willing to pay 1000 bucks for, person B might feel it isn’t worth more than 200bucks. A real life example was the case with the recent signing of soccer player Gareth Bale by giants Real Madrid FC for £100 million. The transfer caused a lot of bubbles in the media with all sorts of person giving their own opinion on the matter. Most people said he’s not worth that much but as far as the Madrid guys were concerned, it was the right price and they paid it.

However, despite value being more dependent on the subject than on the object, the object however can influence the subject’s opinion of it. This implies that a lady that is not getting noticed by a guy she has a crush on can hit a bit of luck and get that guy to notice her if she can invest little bit more into what I call ‘the magic of cosmetics’(there are always exceptions to this. No amounts of makeup or make-down make some people change their minds. A friend recently described it as “the kind of ugly that makes ordinary ugly people feel like prom kings and queens” just kiddingJ). In Madrid’s case, though they were the ones who placed such huge figures on Bale, there must have been something they saw in him or saw him do that probably other teams didn’t and so they valued him more than other teams were willing to.
What all this is about is how to influence anybody or any subject to place as much value on you as you desire or probably deserve or how to sell yourself well to any individual or organization. In this season of valentine and love, this might be a life saver for some persons.

First thing to do is to pay attention to your image. Many Christians refer to the story in 1Sam16 to imply that God looks at the heart. True! But often we neglect what God was also trying to communicate which is that men look at the face and so we fail to take wisdom from that. I believe this was one of the secrets to joseph’s success story as recorded in the famous book of Genesis. When he was going to appear before Pharaoh, he shaved his beards so as to make a solid impression on the king. If he was just looking like a prisoner with all the beards and all, all Pharaoh would have probably had for him was pity and so the best he would have gotten from that encounter would have been a royal pardon and a release from jail but definitely not an appointment as prime minister. But he shaved and cleaned up, he looked like he could be a prime minister and so he was appointed the prime minister. My pastor will always tell you, men look on the outward, and so if you’ll be dealing with men, it’s always important to make a good impression there. In Malcolm Gladwell’s blink, the chapter ‘the Warren Harding error- why we all fall for tall and handsome men’ discussed this a little further. If not for God’s special intervention because of his special purpose and intention for Israel, even the mighty Prophet Samuel would have fallen like most men do and Eliab (king David eldest brother) would have charmed his way into being king!
Pay attention to the way you look even in pictures. The way you dress is the way you’d be addressed. But not only dressing because that’s just one part of your image. 3 places where you need to make a statement of a good image include your face, body and voice. So the way you walk, talk, smile, smell and even sit in a chair matter. Prov22:11 says , ‘for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend’. So just by talking, a king can value a mere man enough to want to be his friend. Eccl 9 tells of a wise man (i.e. he had substance) who wasn’t paid attention or justly rewarded because he was poor. Joseph could have been that man but thank God he was smarter…..he paid attention to his image.

Let’s look at the part B of this ‘value’ thing. A Russian proverb says that when you meet a man, you judge him by his clothes but when you leave a man, you’ll judge him by his character. Image without substance is like death cased in a medicine. A medicine is supposed to administer health but this one will ultimately steal health away. This was the error of the fig tree in mark11 (you can do a little study of it). It is said that one good service will bring you 3 customers but 1 bad one will drive away 30. The emphasis of this is that for a greater good, we must place character over beauty i.e. more emphasis on content than the packaging. We have established why beauty and image is very important. But beauty can only attract people and value to you, what sustains that is substance. While beauty is a necessary condition for patronage, it is usually not a sufficient condition. Value not deserved but gotten is soon so easily lost. So having said that you should pay attention to the way you are perceived by people by looking convincing on the outside, make sure you don’t do that at the expense of your quality on the inside. Perhaps if Eliab had the kind of heart David had, the value and respect Samuel placed on him would have been sustained and God would have allowed Samuel to crown him king.
And so although the value people attach to us is entirely their opinion which they are very entitled to, there is still something we can do to influence their opinion and thus a part to play in how people perceive and respond to us. The strength of any brand is 2 ways: quality on the inside; quality on the outside. Do your best to have both, when you do, people will see your outstanding-ness and how you are truly a one-in-a-million.
Have a splendid week.

Soaga Afolabi Olusegun

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

value: the eliab concept

Imagine yourself lost in the desert for like a week with no food no water and nobody to talk to; Just you and this vast expanse of dry land. And then maybe somewhere along the way you get to a junction that leads to two different destinations. You can only make one option and so choosing one is forgoing the other. In taking option A you are sure to find a million dollars in cash along the way; while in option B you’d find a store where you could get water and food and people to talk with (remember you have been lost for like a week with no food or water). Well, I believe the obvious option most people will go for is the latter. Reason is because, of what use is a million dollars if there is nobody to sell stuffs to you and nothing to buy. Moreover, if you choose the former option and go for the money, what use is money to a dead man (Just in case you don’t know, they don’t spend dollars in heaven). So to a man near death who is lost in the desert, a cup of water to revive his thirsty self is of more value than a million dollars that can’t buy him anything. Of course if he wasn’t near death and if he had hope of one day surviving through the desert without that water, his option would have been totally different. In fact, if we add an additional clause to the previous scenario saying that if he walks just a little further down that million dollar road, he’d find a place where a glass of water sells for $1000 and an helicopter for hire to fly you anywhere in the world for say $100000; even if he was near death, some would probably still go for the money.
This illustration points us to the fact that value is a very relative term. One man’s meat is indeed another’s poison. What is termed valuable to one man, might be perceived worthless to another. Beauty in life is always in the eyes of the beholder; the woman who one man would die for, another might not even wish to be sick for.

I have come to discover that value is seldom a function of the object in question but rather it is more about the subject. In the example used in the first paragraph, the object is the cup of water or million dollars while the subject is the pathetic fellow who was lost in the desert. What that means is that what determined the value of the object wasn’t the object in itself but rather the person who wanted to acquire it. And so what person A might be willing to pay 1000 bucks for, person B might feel it isn’t worth more than 200bucks. A real life example was the case with the recent signing of soccer player Gareth Bale by giants Real Madrid FC for £100 million. The transfer caused a lot of bubbles in the media with all sorts of person giving their own opinion on the matter. Most people said he’s not worth that much but as far as the Madrid guys were concerned, it was the right price and they paid it.

However, despite value being more dependent on the subject than on the object, the object however can influence the subject’s opinion of it. This implies that a lady that is not getting noticed by a guy she has a crush on can hit a bit of luck and get that guy to notice her if she can invest little bit more into what I call ‘the magic of cosmetics’(there are always exceptions to this. No amounts of makeup or make-down make some people change their minds. A friend recently described it as “the kind of ugly that makes ordinary ugly people feel like prom kings and queens” just kiddingJ). In Madrid’s case, though they were the ones who placed such huge figures on Bale, there must have been something they saw in him or saw him do that probably other teams didn’t and so they valued him more than other teams were willing to.
What all this is about is how to influence anybody or any subject to place as much value on you as you desire or probably deserve or how to sell yourself well to any individual or organization. In this season of valentine and love, this might be a life saver for some persons.

First thing to do is to pay attention to your image. Many Christians refer to the story in 1Sam16 to imply that God looks at the heart. True! But often we neglect what God was also trying to communicate which is that men look at the face and so we fail to take wisdom from that. I believe this was one of the secrets to joseph’s success story as recorded in the famous book of Genesis. When he was going to appear before Pharaoh, he shaved his beards so as to make a solid impression on the king. If he was just looking like a prisoner with all the beards and all, all Pharaoh would have probably had for him was pity and so the best he would have gotten from that encounter would have been a royal pardon and a release from jail but definitely not an appointment as prime minister. But he shaved and cleaned up, he looked like he could be a prime minister and so he was appointed the prime minister. My pastor will always tell you, men look on the outward, and so if you’ll be dealing with men, it’s always important to make a good impression there. In Malcolm Gladwell’s blink, the chapter ‘the Warren Harding error- why we all fall for tall and handsome men’ discussed this a little further. If not for God’s special intervention because of his special purpose and intention for Israel, even the mighty Prophet Samuel would have fallen like most men do and Eliab (king David eldest brother) would have charmed his way into being king!
Pay attention to the way you look even in pictures. The way you dress is the way you’d be addressed. But not only dressing because that’s just one part of your image. 3 places where you need to make a statement of a good image include your face, body and voice. So the way you walk, talk, smile, smell and even sit in a chair matter. Prov22:11 says , ‘for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend’. So just by talking, a king can value a mere man enough to want to be his friend. Eccl 9 tells of a wise man (i.e. he had substance) who wasn’t paid attention or justly rewarded because he was poor. Joseph could have been that man but thank God he was smarter…..he paid attention to his image.

Let’s look at the part B of this ‘value’ thing. A Russian proverb says that when you meet a man, you judge him by his clothes but when you leave a man, you’ll judge him by his character. Image without substance is like death cased in a medicine. A medicine is supposed to administer health but this one will ultimately steal health away. This was the error of the fig tree in mark11 (you can do a little study of it). It is said that one good service will bring you 3 customers but 1 bad one will drive away 30. The emphasis of this is that for a greater good, we must place character over beauty i.e. more emphasis on content than the packaging. We have established why beauty and image is very important. But beauty can only attract people and value to you, what sustains that is substance. While beauty is a necessary condition for patronage, it is usually not a sufficient condition. Value not deserved but gotten is soon so easily lost. So having said that you should pay attention to the way you are perceived by people by looking convincing on the outside, make sure you don’t do that at the expense of your quality on the inside. Perhaps if Eliab had the kind of heart David had, the value and respect Samuel placed on him would have been sustained and God would have allowed Samuel to crown him king.
And so although the value people attach to us is entirely their opinion which they are very entitled to, there is still something we can do to influence their opinion and thus a part to play in how people perceive and respond to us. The strength of any brand is 2 ways: quality on the inside; quality on the outside. Do your best to have both, when you do, people will see your outstanding-ness and how you are truly a one-in-a-million.
Have a splendid week.

Soaga Afolabi Olusegun

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.