Live & Learn

Did you know?

The human mind is bombarded with as much as 32g of information every single day. A study, conducted by researchers at the University of California-San Diego, revealed this.

If it were a computer, it would crash in no time.

It is believed that man has never been exposed to this much information in all of his history. We are continuously exposed to data from our cell phones, computers, television, etc. Even face-to-face interactions leave the mind with several things to process.

That is why a proverb concluded that life is a teacher; the more you live the more you learn.

I have a slightly different opinion. I believe that the more you live, the more you are taught. Learning is optional.

This I believe is why history repeats itself in unpleasant ways. Experience teaches its lessons, but men refuse to take them.

Experience teaches its lessons, but men refuse to take them.

Ask yourself, of the 32g of information that you were exposed to yesterday, how many have you retained today? Of course, not all information is useful to you. But while you say that in your defense, again I ask, in sieving what is useful and what is not, how many valuable information have you allowed to slip through the cracks?

Many won’t have an answer to this. Why? What you don’t know, you don’t know that you don’t know it. But what you don’t know, you can know, if you will learn. Remember, life always teaches, but it is up to us to learn.

What then are the barriers to learning? How does knowledge slip through your ears? What is between the current you and a better you.? Your life is speaking, will you live and learn?

This and more in the concluding part of this series. But first, what are your thoughts on this. Lets have a conversation in the comment section.

Click here to read the concluding part of the series- live and learn

Afolabi

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Things you should know about People

Understanding people is key to life success. Money doesn’t make the world go round, people do. The world is no good with all the money in it if their are no people to use that money. So, i think the most important aspect of your life isn’t just your money but the people in your life.

So below are some of the things you should know about people:

People like to be treated with honor, value, and respect.  Even in cases where they don’t deserve it, people will still expect respect from you. You must understand that this is a fundamental human need for people.

Everyone has a price. This doesn’t necessarily mean you can buy them with money. Rather it implies that people can be reached, influenced, and won over. Whether its by affirmation, acts of service, gifts, or whatever else appeals to their interests and needs, everyone has stuffs they value and respond to.

People are ultimately insatiable. They are always looking for greener pastures. There is no way you can hold back a man who is convinced that there is better for him elsewhere. Sadly though, most people are too lazy to pay the necessary price for their advancement; nonetheless, the desire to improve our lives is an unquenchable thirst in each and everyone of us.

Everyone has the seed of good in them. You should never write a man off. As long as he has life, no matter how terrible his past or present is, he can construct an edifice of a future. Men are ‘illimitable’! limits only exist in our minds and when those minds are liberated by truth, nothing cant restrict the success and progress a man can make.

Human destinies are somehow connected. Those you treat badly today might be in positions to repay you in the same manner tomorrow. Even if they are not, your wrong seeds will catch up with you and someone else somehow will pay you back on their behalf (some call this karma). So it pays to treat people well.

Here is a conclusion you should hold dear- Dealing with people is like playing a video game. when you know rules and how to play it, it becomes fun and easy to do. Before then, it would just be a frustrating activity of nothingness.

Cheers!

Afolabi Soaga

Dealing with people is like playing a video game. when you know rules and how to play it, it becomes fun and easy to do.

 

BE BETTER

Lets kick off this piece with one of my favorite wisdom from the scriptures.

Answer a fool not according to his folly, lest you be like him; answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.

I’d like to say two important things about handling offenses.

First, not every word spoken to you deserves a response. Not every action taken against you deserves a reaction. Sometimes, silence is the best answer. The bible tells us that when a fool keeps quiet on a matter, then he is considered wise. Wise men know when speech is silver and silence gold. As a rule of thumb for me, if your speech or response to a matter won’t improve your value or the other person’s value, its best you keep your opinion to yourself.Meek-Mill-Drake

Taking into perspective the book of proverbs, 26th chapter which was earlier quoted; one thing is clear, the only time a response is required for a fool is when the response will help set the fool straight. If you are replying just to defend yourself or to hurt the enemy, you’d be either wasting energy or worst still doing yourself harm as well. Of course there would be cases in which a response should be given especially when the claims in question could affect your reputation, but even then; the availability of an appropriate answer, that won’t reduce you to level of your offender, should be considered before you respond.

Picture this, imagine me, a guy dressed up in a white shirt as i am as at the writing of this piece, and then imagine another person walks up to me and starts screaming at the top of his voice at me saying “hey, woman!, woman in pink!!”. Then imagine he persists at this to a point that he commands the attention of people around.

It would be a waste of my energy to get into a war of words with him. If i do, i would have only certified myself a candidate of yaba-left just like him. I am obviously a man and i’m wearing a white shirt. Such shenanigan behaviour doesn’t require a reply.

Whatever i say shouldn’t be said with an intention to hurt him. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. If he is saying what he is saying to hurt me and i decide to reply just to hurt him, proverbs 24 says we are both fools and I’m no better than he is. Before God and man, we are both guilty of the same thing.

So summary of point one is this, in essence, what should decide whether you answer a fool is your intention for answering. Am i answering to clear my reputation? or am i answering just to get on level terms? Do i even have to answer? To whom is my answer due? Will my answer add value to me or him or will it just keep as both in the gutter? All these questions i believe are the silent questions embeded in between those two seemingly conflicting statements of that verse of scripture in proverbs 26.

Secondly, it is best to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. Of course the terms of the relationship could change, you don’t have to be jolly good friends with everyone especially when they have proven beyond reasonable doubt that they are foolish; but Jesus did make it clear that as much as it depends on us, we should be at peace with ALL men.

There is no wisdom really in making enemies or increasing the number of people that hate you. Hatred has no good to offer anybody. And so even if you believe a man isn’t qualified to be your friend, you don’t have to make him an enemy.

What does this imply? Same thing brother! Just give a wise response to the query of a fool. Dont give a response that will stir up more resentment and strife. A soft answer, the bible admonishes, turns away wrath. This is key! There is no point adding fuel to a fire a person set just to prove a point. Two wrongs can never add up to a right.adr

So folks, dont be quick to give a response at any time. Be sure, infact, be very sure that your answer either in words or deed will add value to you or in the least keep you where you were before you gave it. But the way words are, they never leave us the same way. They are that powerful. Once a word is spoken, it can’t be taken back; and the damage or beauty it creates is seldom easily reversed.

Have a great life people; be better!

*yaba-left is a popular psychiatry centre in lagos

 

Afolabi Soaga

IWrite, ISpeak, IInspire!!!

 

 

 

 

Auto Pilot: how to crash a life.

I once saw a funny picture captioned- ‘dear lord, can you please borrow me 5 million Naira from my wealth in the future ‘cos i kinda have some things to sort out right now’. If i didn’t know better, that would have been my kinda prayer today.

Have you ever wished just like me that you have a remote control in your hands that could just fast forward your life 5 years into the future, into that time when you have that beautiful wife, and drive that expensive car, and live in that elegant mansion, and into when you are signatory to that robust bank account and have that good life of your dreams. Sometimes i wish i could just cut through the bullshit of the present time and live the reality of my dreams and i bet we all do.

A thought line of this nature i believe led to the production of the 2006 hit movie ‘click’. The producers of the movie clearly played out the fantasy of a lot of us and like they showed in the movie, this kind of idea is quite lofty as it is also costly.click-50eae812b84e8

Here is what i mean.

In the movie, Michael Newman played by Adam Sandler was fortunate to meet an eccentric inventor who gave him a universal remote that allows him to control time. With that remote, Michael could pause, Play in slow motion or fast forward time. It looked like the perfect solution to his life problems as he could easily skip the boring moments of his existence and move into the exciting periods of his future.

There was one problem as he soon found. Skipping time meant he had to operate on auto pilot and that was costly. Let me tell you a bit about auto pilot and airplanes.  I might have not flown in a plane before, but I know quite a few things about airplanes. One of such is auto-piloting. I can credit this knowledge to movies like snake on a plane, passenger 57, soul plane, Airforce one, etc.

The Auto-pilot is a device for controlling an aircraft or other vehicle without constant human intervention. From what I’ve noticed in movies, it is basically used most often to relieve the pilot during routine cruising. It  maintains an aircraft in straight and level flight.  Since we are not engineers or aspiring pilots, we basically don’t need to know more than that. So how does this apply to life and Michael’s story?

Airplane-1300x724Lets take our lives to be airplanes that we are pilots of. Auto-piloting refers to when you are in a hands-off mode with regards the direction of your life. You are just auto-cruising and taking life as it comes. You are not putting much thought or efforts to the way you do things or respond to situations. You are not being innovative about your challenges and aspirations and you are just relying on your reserve abilities and tendencies to get through life. You are not proactive about the happenings in your life, you have become a master of the sentence ‘any how God wills it’. You are not creating the future you desire and could have but rather you are settling for a future that would be if all things remain equal. Sadly, all things are never equal. Your response to everything that happens in your life is “God wanted it that way”. When you are retired to fate in this manner, then you are on autopilot!

Auto pilot is quite fun and easy. No efforts required. Just a button and then you can go to sleep. With it you get to enjoy the luxury of selective participation.

But it is hella dangerous.

No good pilot dares switch to autopilot in the face of a storm. That’s a guaranteed suicide mission. You need all hands on deck when the slightest of storms show face. And here is the thing, life’s cruise is never without storms and challenges.

Everyday has its own challenge, every success its own joy, and every failure and pain with its lesson and wisdom. And to get the best of every passing moment of your life, you have to live through them. There is just no room for autopiloting in real life unless you want to crash.

You have to be observant, learning everything you can from every challenge faced whether you succeeded at it or failed. You have to be proactive to decide what course your life flies towards. There would be avoidable storms but only when you are on manual pilot can you avoid them or maneuver your way out of them.

The truth is that if there really is a remote that could fast forward time and you use it; you wont find yourself where you’d love to be. The future you’d find yourself wont be the one you dreamed of before using that remote. I have found that the best way to live your dreams is to create it and that can only be done through active participation in the process of you life.

I once told my younger brother something wise and i believe is quite applicable here…that the only change that occurs with time is decay. For growth and beauty, right effort must be combined with time.

In conclusion, be proactive about your life. Put thought and effort into your decisions and actions, understand the usefulness of every moment of your life and of every circumstance you find yourself in and with courage and determination, stride your way out of every storm life throws at you and come out on top like an eagle that you are.

Amour,

Afolabi Soaga

Those annoying Bc’s

Have you also received a Whatsapp message from Jesus in which he threatened to kill all your family members and destroy your life if you don’t re-post the message?  Or a BBM Bc from God in which he promised that you’ll received an unexpected breakthrough if you send the message to 16 other people? Or seen a Facebook wall post that promised you supernatural money once you type amen or liked the prayer?IMG_20150603_133458_edit

Chances are YES! We all have received these annoying messages from well-meaning friends of ours on different social media platforms.

Now what’s my problem with these people?

They don’t self-evaluate to check what works and what doesn’t. They are just like dead fish that always goes with the flow. They’ll do anything and everything they are told to do and are thus ineffective in life. They are usually ordinary people who do not stand for anything and thus fall for everything. My take is- they are ambassadors of mediocrity. No offense intended.

It’s just a lazy attitude to keep doing certain things over and over without checking to see the rewards or consequences. I mean, if someone promises you that if you do a certain thing you’ll get a certain thing; it’s only responsible that after doing that thing, you check to see if you actually got what was promised. That’s how to be purposeful about life. If you don’t see what was promised then you ask questions. Did I do it right? Should I have done something else in addition? Or was I just fooled and simply added up to someone else’s numbers.

Someone noted once that life is too short to be fooled over and over again. The first time fell for it, you were exploited, the seIMG_20150603_132954_editcond time you were foolish.

These Bc people are the same set of people that will pray for something and then forget that they prayed for it. So the next time they go to church, they are praying for the same thing. They forget simply because they are not really expectant which also means they lack faith. They are luck depending prayerists who hope to get lucky with God soon. It’s that same attitude of doing things and not checking for effectiveness they put on the social media that they also take to the house of prayer and other aspects of their lives.

If you pray for a thing without result, ask questions. Did I pray right? Is there something I’m missing? I’m asking for the wrong things? Or is it just an issue of timing?

All I’m trying to say is simple. Live a CEL– consistently evaluated life. Question your actions and inactions. Seek out your bc1most effective activities and dump the rest. Focus on the things that bring you most profit and reduce those that waste your time and yes megabyte.

I’ll end on this note; the purpose of activity isn’t activity, but rather to generate results. A method should be justified by a positive result; the end should justify the means. When it doesn’t, the means should be dropped and effort stop being wasted.

Receive wisdom! LOL

Soaga Afolabi Olusegun  download (1)

proverbs 26: Make sense or Shut Up

Shut-up

Pro 26:4-5         Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.

                                      Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.

It takes wisdom to discern when speech is silver while silence is gold. It is not every word spoken to you that deserves a response; and not every action (in most case offensive) towards you that requires a reaction.

Wisdom will teach you to be still when need be; and it will also teach you when plus ‘how-to- speak’ where it is necessary. The how-to-speak in any situation is of utmost and critical importance because it decides and says a whole lot of things.(see prov29:20)s-COMMUNICATION-SKILLS-large

The grace of a man’s speech can attract kings and noble men to him (pro22:11); likewise the disgrace of his speech can and will also repel mere men from him.

The entirety of what a man is made of can be discerned from the words of his mouth for we can only speak out of the abundance of our heart. Therefore a wise man knows that when how-to-speak isn’t known, silence is essential. Even a fool is counted wise when he simply shuts up! (pro 17:28)

So rightly put; what decides which is a better option between speaking/replying and silence is the availability of a proper/correct reply or answer. That means that the how-to-speak is what determines the when-to-speak. if you cannot make sense with your words, you can do so with your silence.

So the messagEmilysQuotes.Com-silence-fool-relationship-wisdom-advice-Imam-Alie is this: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. A word spoken can’t be taken back. There is no point in saying or doing things that will make you worse off. Two wrongs have never added up to one right. If your words or actions won’t solve problems or make things better, then it’s better you keep that ‘piece of your mind’ to yourself. if you must respond to situations and offenses in words or action, make sure you are giving a proper and appropraite response that will make both and your hearer/receiver better off.

In conclusion, it is worthy to note also that sometimes silence speaks louder than noise and inaction achieves more than wrong action. Selah

Soaga Afolabi Olusegun

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enviroment-conduct-performance-paradigm

I have often heard people say stuff like ‘if I was in so and so place, or if I had so and so opportunities, or if I was alive during so and so era, my life would have been so and so better’. Chances are huge that you too have said such at some point in your life. Most of the time, when we encounter failure by performing below what is celebrated or below what we really wanted, we tend to fall into one of these 2 extremes.

The first is a state of complete loss of belief in oneself and ability. This is when we come to accept failure and as such tag ourselves as failures. This is the root reason why many people drop out from school. When we fall into this mind-set, we stop seeing the need to try again and as such we simply just decide to quit and sometimes not do anything again; or quit to take up a different route and challenge.( example of such people are those that transfer from science related studies in school to the less tedious administrative courses. Of course, at times this is the wisest resolve to take on)

The second category consists of those who decide to give excuses like the ones in the opening paragraph. I heard someone describe an excuse as the tool of the incompetent and a monument of fools. I like to call it an unjust justification of failure. An excuse given is a failure tolerated and so excuses should be avoided at all cost.

The both categories are not good responses to failure. But somehow, I believe the latter is worse because it places you in a fool’s paradise where deceit is forcefully and foolishly accepted as reality. And many people especially in the school I come from like to take this option.

I finished from Obafemi Awolowo University which is arguably the best university in Nigeria and one of the best in Africa. We are notoriously known for being tough and difficult and we boast of having the best human products to show for it. The curriculum there is tough and so not too many people finish with first class honours. It is in fact believed that employers rate a second class lower honour from OAU higher than a second class upper from most other schools in the country. These facts and many more is what forms the basis why many students who don’t perform too well in my school console themselves with the idea that they would have struck better academic fortunes in some other schools.

I don’t believe this is always true and I would prove that with the knowledge from a concept in the field of marketing called the structure-conduct-performance-paradigm.

Well, it has been a proven fact that a first class student from OAU would most likely repeat same fortune in any other school not just in Africa but in fact, any other school in the entire world and that a first class student from many other schools might have to struggle to clinch a first class or even second class upper honours in our school. But I am not in any way convinced that a 2:1 student in OAU will automatically translate to a 1st class student in any other school just as much as a 2:1 student in those other schools will not automatically translate to a 2:2 or 3rd class student here.

Let’s do a quick little lesson in marketing. Under the structure-conduct-performance-paradigm approach of understanding market situations, performance of the market is usually a function of conduct in the market; while conduct is a function of structure of the market. Therefore, invariably performance is a function of conduct and structure. Now let’s apply this to our foregoing discussion.

Your performance anywhere and at anything is a function of your conduct and attitudes in as much as it is a function of your abilities. It could be argued even further that performance at anything is more influenced by attitude and conduct rather than innate abilities. Like the saying goes, it is your attitude that determines your altitude in life. There are several tales of geniuses who never went far; men of great potentials that ended as non-entities in life…. There are also great stories of ordinary men who achieved extraordinary feats and natural men who achieved supernatural results. These stories are everywhere; in movies, books (I recommend Malcolm Gladwell’s outliers), in sitcoms, history literatures, the bible, etc. so we can say directly that performance is determined by conduct (or action); and also that attitude more than ability influences your conduct and actions.

In the same vein, attitudes and conducts are also a function of environment (except in extreme cases which we would look into later on). In the bible we are told that when King Saul got into the company of prophets, he also prophesied (1Sam10). This is a classical biblical example of what I’m trying to establish.

The implication of this is that, when we get to certain places, we tend to behave the way the people there behave, i.e. like the environment requires. This has been termed in some literature work as the ‘joneses effect’. The field of economics also has some stuff to say about this in its explanation of consumer behaviour. We are more likely to be influenced by external factors than internal ones especially when it comes to social behaviour.

Now to those second class students who like to make those lofty claims….the reason why you behave the way you behave and study the way you study so hard, is simply because you are in a relatively tougher school. If you were in a relatively less demanding school, you would most likely have behaved differently. And since performance is a product of conduct, your results might not have been any better.

The only time when your claim and boast could have been right is if and only if after being trained and conditioned in a more demanding environment (like maybe after you finish your first degree in the ‘tougher’ school), you move to the relatively less demanding school, you could then with the superior culture and conduct that your previous environment had accustomed you to, act superiorly and differently to produce different and superior performance.

The highly contemporary the message translation of the bible reads Roms12:2 as “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking ……” because it is just how we naturally tend to be. Humans are generally adapters and conformers and as such act like thermometers which respond to the temperature of its surrounding rather than being thermostats that dictate and regulate the temperature of its surrounding.

And so the bible in that same verse advised that “Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out”. This implies a subscription to God’s own culture, system and training. Only then can you act differently and as such produce outstanding results. Therefore, it is clear that if you with a higher culture move to a lesser environment, you would most likely perform better because you have being shaped by a different environment.

Without stretching things any further, a 2:1 student in Harvard I believe is not an automatic 1st class anywhere else because if you had been in any of those less rated schools from the start, you would have been like one of them. They are not all dunces and perhaps truly, schools like OAU in Nigeria can boast of having better brains than most other schools in the country, but the truth I believe remains that If some of those brains have been conditioned in the any of those other schools, because of that environment and its easiness, you might not have given any better or reached your deepest potentials and so you might not have performed any better.

Performance is a product of conduct and conduct is usually influenced by environment. The only time when environment or external influence doesn’t affect conduct is when there is a strong internal conviction, culture or force that is strong enough to wade off the external influence. (This doesn’t justify you’re the claims and excuses I have thus far tried to disproves because if indeed you have that strong internal strength in the first place, it would have made you a first class student even in the seemingly ‘tougher’ school).

SOAGA AFOLABI OLUSEGUN.

AP: lincoln’s real secret to success.

Probably the greatest example of persistence is Abraham Lincoln. If you want to learn about somebody who didn’t quit, look no further. But is persistence the only lesson we can learn from one of the greatest presidents america has ever had? I don’t think so.

Here is a sketch of Lincoln’s road to the White House and underneath it is a brief comment on some other things I think we can learn from him.
1816: His family was forced out of their home. He had to work to support them.
1818: His mother died.
1831: Failed in business.
1832: Ran for state legislature – lost.
1832: Also lost his job – wanted to go to law school but couldn’t get in.
1833: Borrowed some money from a friend to begin a business and by the end of the year he was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life paying off this debt.
1834: Ran for state legislature again – won.
1838: Sought to become speaker of the state legislature – defeated.
1840: Sought to become elector – defeated.
1843: Ran for Congress – lost.
1846: Ran for Congress again – this time he won – went to Washington and did a good job.
1848: Ran for re-election to Congress – lost.
1849 Sought the job of land officer in his home state – rejected.
1854: Ran for Senate of the United States – lost.
1856: Sought the Vice-Presidential nomination at his party’s national convention – got less than 100 votes.
1858: Ran for U.S. Senate again – again he lost.
1860: Elected president of the United States.
 
Lincoln himself once said “My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure” For a man who lived the life just narrated above, its clear he was speaking from experience and that he lived his own advice. I however believe that his discontent with failure not only moved him to try again, but also to learn, un-learn and re-learn certain things.

Ordinarily, we’ve been taught that persistent was the major tool he used in his life and somehow we have believed it was the only tool. But I discovered that persistence alone can’t achieve much. A wise man commented once that “it is foolishness to do the same thing the same way and expect a different result”. If you persistently do things the wrong way, you’ll consistently be wrong and you’d consistently fail.

I discovered that lincoln was a progressive learner. He learnt new strategies and increased in wisdom. And though he was persistent in his pursuits, he understood the importance of growth. He didn’t allow failure at one exam stop him from preparing for another. He kept on advancing and progressing, seeking greater things. Contesting for higher positions showed that he didn’t remain at one level of development as what is required to contest at stage 2 is always higher than that at stage 1.

We need opportunities for success; and opportunity comes to everyone. But opportunity alone is not enough, as opportunity without corresponding strength, ability and preparation would end up being a waste. Benjami disreali said that “the secret to success is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes”.

There is such a thing as active patience(AP). Its something we all have to learn. It is what makes persistence profitable. It means doing the required things while being persistent. It is taking the bull by the horn and not just waiting for life to swing luck your way. It is understanding that opportunity is attracted like a magnet to those actively positioned for it. This is what distinguished lincoln and what made him a success. Whether you fail or succeed, there is always something you need to do to maintain or repeat success. Success is never automatic.

So the message today is this: keep learning, growing, and improving. Acquire new strategies, there are times when winning strategies fail (for the first time). Don’t just relax and call it persistence. Great men who make impact and register themselves in life’s history books are always on the offensive. Lincoln was a learner; you should be too.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

spare yourself a friend-ship wreck

As we begin our countdown to the end of another month and in fact another year, some persons perhaps are already thinking of some of the new year resolutions they’ll make as they appraise how this year have gone thus far.
One area often overlooked at seasons like this is the area of the relationships and associations we keep. Especially the people we call friends. Certain persons that are your friends this year don’t really deserve to be your friends next year.
A wise man once remarked that where a man would be 5years from now is a function of the books he reads and the friends he walks with. Another one boldly asked that show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are. Not only who you are now but also what you’ll probably become. Our friendships indeed shape our lives.
If we take words like this serious, we’ll attach as much importance to making resolutions about our friends as we do about ourselves. After all we can’t move faster than the ship we are traveling in….especially when the ship is called friendSHIP!
However, I found that the concept of friendship is often times misunderstood and wrongly approached by most people. And because of this, it is often times abused. This has also resulted into scars of hurt and pain in the heart of several people in which case many find it very difficult to recover from. The bible says that faithful are the wounds of a friend, but from experience we also know that such wounds are quite painful as well. So it is advisable that we save ourselves such heartaches and approach friendship with true understanding. Experience might be a good teacher but its tuition are often too expensive to afford.
One of the most amazing poems I know I believe can be of great help here. It reads:
‘I went into the market to look for friends
I found none
Then I went into the market to be a friend
And there were friends everywhere’.
In this simple poem is summarized basically what friendship is really about and what approach we should have towards it.
Key qualities we tend to look for in friendship includes Availability, communication, attraction and agreeable ness. once we find this combo of qualities in a person, we tend to develop some kind of likeness for such a one. But like this poem rightly says, friendship shouldn’t be about finding and getting, but rather about being and giving. For instance, often times parents want their children to be pals with kids brighter than they are so that the good influence of the smart kid would rub off on their children. But that makes me wonder what we expect should happen to the rest of the kids in class; who then would be their friend and what hope do they have of a better life? And imagine if the smarter kid also has this same principle, then your lesser smart kid doesn’t even have a chance.
Of course I’m not saying parents are wrong for wanting their kids to benefit from associating with bright minds, but what I am saying really is that we shouldn’t look for friendships where we are just like parasites leaving our friends with no benefits at all while sucking everything we need from them. All that I look for in friends, I do my best to be to my friends. After all, that’s what the golden principle of love is all about. Treating others with the kind of treat we love them to give us. Approaching friendship like this will also save you lots of pain because you eventually don’t feel like anybody owes anything and when they eventually don’t turn up, you are simply not affected or at least less hurt.
Thats why I don’t really buy into the idea of best friend and BFFs. The word best is an ideal word. Its perfect. When we label certain people as this, we begin to feel like they owe us something. And when they don’t deliver, we feel the pain really bad. And same when the reverse is the case.
The word best eliminates room for improvement. It gives an ownership right and mentality to People making you feel like you own them. So they must call you and text you and when they don’t you get offended. You also get very jealous when they are getting close to others. It gets very worse when they don’t feel the same way about you. I’m just thinking……why all these stress?
A Best friend title kills the idea of friendship being a Privilege and responsibility. A privilege to be grateful for if received and a responsibility towards others. So I have quit looking out for best friends and I’ve keyed into being a best friend to anyone I’m privileged to have as a friend. For me, friendship is indeed about giving and being rather than getting and finding.
I do have some wonderful people I am privileged to call friends, and yes amongst them i have favorites who are closest to me and who have also contributed more to my life. yet, I indeed see it as my responsibility to be the best me to them and count myself really lucky, privileged, humbled and successful if anyone in return calls me a BFF. that in turn doesn’t stop me from doing my best to be a better me.

chokmah

Pro 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Chokmah is hebrew word for wisdom. The word wisdom comes up 222 times in the entire bible (kjv), 53 of which are in the book of proverbs. It also occurred 50 times in the New Testament 11 of which are in the gospels 6 times in red ink (indicating that they were the exact words of Jesus. Himself).
One could write an entire text book on the subject and so I cannot possible do enough justice to it in this small piece. Its importance cannot be over emphasized. When we consider that quality of our life is a function of our beliefs and actions, and that our beliefs and actions are fruits of our thoughts and decisions, we also will begin to see what the wise man was saying here by calling wisdom the principal (most important) thing.
In Wesley’s commentary on this verse of the bible, he writes that wisdom should be gotten with all, even at the price of all. I also read somewhere recently that we should learn to empty our pockets to fill our heads; We’ll end up thanking ourselves for it. That makes perfect sense as Nothing is too much to pay for wisdom. Ignorance and foolishness are the most expensive possessions in the world but surprisingly poor people have them the most.
Another word for wisdom is good judgement. Ability to choose right. The bible says get wisdom. This is possibly because It is not in man’s default setting to be wise. Wisdom must be acquired.
One other thing I’ll love to stress here Is that to attain wisdom, we should always start with common sense. But it is popular say that even that common sense is not common, it also must be acquired.
In the end, the right option is usually obvious to all. The difference is that the wise man sees it before the consequences while the foolish waits to learn it in pain.(Prov22:3). Jesus said wisdom is justified of her children. Don’t wait till you are at crossroads before you go after wisdom.
Just like friends, the best time to get wisdom is when you don’t need it.

From commonized golds
Inspired4.wordpress.com
By Soaga Afolabi Olusegun